Mama V Memes

After more than a year and forever, I somehow stumbled back into my blog. So today's the day I start Mama V Memes... those little jewels of wisdom I've usually learned the hard or embarrassing way.  Here is #1:

You know... because we don't have enough of these on social media. : )

Don't Blink

I sat in the rocking chair holding my baby boy. I tried to burn into my memory how it felt to hold him, to imprint on my mind every line on his peaceful little face and tiny hands, and the funny expressions he made while sleeping. Everyone told me he would grow up all too fast, so I was determined to treasure each moment.

            I turned around, and he was going to school. He was so proud of his lunchbox. He laughed and ran and played and dug in dirt piles, and took naps on the porch with the dogs. He broke both of his arms falling off a horse when it jumped a creek. His daddy cried, but he didn’t.

            My heart almost burst watching his grandfather teach him how to take up the offering at church. And I smiled every time I saw my son and his PaPa sleeping up against each other through a few sermons, too.

            I blinked, and my little boy was playing Little League baseball. Some of the other players gave him a not-so-nice nickname. I wanted so badly to jump in and protect him from any hurt, but I stepped back when I saw that he had proudly written the nickname on his baseball glove and went on about his business unperturbed. He severely broke one of his arms falling off a horse again. His daddy cried, but he didn’t. We spent the night in chairs beside his hospital bed.

It’s getting harder to remember what it felt like in that rocker…

            I climbed in the car one day, and several years passed by the time I climbed out. I could not wait for this child to get his driver’s license and start chauffeuring himself around. Oh yeah—I’m supposed to dread that. He stopped riding horses. The smile disappeared from his daddy’s face. Relief appeared on his momma’s. He started playing football. His daddy started smiling again.

            I stopped to catch my breath, and he was in high school. Student Council—One Act Play—Football—Science Club—Slow down! Slow down! It’s starting to blur…

            I looked down in my lap to see a graduation program. It’s too soon!  My head jerked up to see him giving his salutatory speech. And when he talked about his grandparents, his daddy cried, and this time he did, too. I watched his father hand him a diploma. It was supposed to slow down because I knew from the start that it would go all too fast. But knowing that fact didn’t slow it down one bit.

He’ll be leaving soon, but I’ll be ready.

            In August we made the migratory trek to college with thousands of other molting parents attempting to shed their offspring. We grunted and groaned two couches and half a ton of miscellanea up to a second-story apartment, along with a wardrobe of t-shirts chronicling most every event in his teenage years. We had more fun helping him arrange his new apartment and new life on his own. I felt only happiness for him—no regrets of his leaving home.

Van & Vanessa 

            We said goodbye as we left him with the other freshmen heading for Fish Camp. We waved at the departing busloads as student sponsors hung out the windows screaming, “You’re never gonna see your kids again!” and coaching their netted fish to holler in unison, “We love you, Mom and Dad!” to blubbering parents. His daddy cried, but he didn’t. I felt only joy for my son.

            I had prepared myself well. I didn’t feel one bit of sadness throughout the four-hour trip home. I smiled to myself.

This was too easy! Bring on the next child! I’ve got this empty nest thing figured out.

            We pulled into the driveway of our home.

That’s funny. The house looks different.

I started to open the door, and a vice grip began squeezing my chest. I walked into the kitchen and tried to swallow the huge lump that suddenly appeared in my throat.

Where did that come from?

I went to the bathroom and began scrubbing the shower stall my son had been after me to clean… before he left home.

And the dam broke.

            I’m doing much better now, though. It’s only when I see a little boy taking up the offering at church, or holding his mommy’s hand, or playing football, or running or laughing or just walking by that I get a little choked up.

        But a smile comes, too, with the memories.

Monterrey, 2016

I wrote this after Van went to college, and am posting it today in honor of his birthday. 

Love you muchas, Van. 

(Will this get me in the big house now?)

What if?

What if all this talk about racism is actually creating more racism and resentment rather than reducing it, continually picking at the wound so it won’t heal?

What if it’s fear that’s pulling the trigger rather than ‘systemic racism’ that we keep hearing about? 

What if we are being manipulated by a small group of very visible people whose existence and power depend on perpetuating racism at every opportunity rather than making attempts to end it?

What if the claim of racism creates an excuse for lower standards and entitlement?

What if the claim of racism diminishes the efforts of all the people of color who studied and worked hard to be where they are today?

What if we are assuming that what we see in the news is much more widespread than it actually is?

What if we are taking a few tragic incidents and applying them to entire groups of people?

What if the media (left and right), who are in the drama-creating ratings business, is orchestrating our assumptions about racism? (or anything else, for that matter if we don’t bother to fact check)

What if we are adding fuel to the fire by passing on misinformation, lies, and half-truths through email and social media without learning the whole story?

What if we are basing our own beliefs about racism on misinformation and assumptions?

What if we have lived our entire lives without making any effort to understand the history of racism and the devastating effects it’s had on generations of people?

What if people quit flying because of their fear of a plane crash, when the chance of that happening is one in 11 million? What if people quit living their lives because of the fear that ‘systemic racism’ would harm them if they stepped out in public? What if law enforcement were afraid to do their jobs because of the fear that many people assume they are all racists and are out to get them at every turn?

What do you call the actions of people of the same ethnicity who kill each other at much more alarming numbers? And why don’t the media and our leaders make a greater effort to address this more rampant tragedy? Why aren't people marching in these neighborhoods? 

What if our biggest problem is not racism, but the fact that we just don’t know each other in our communities? 

What if we’re all being played by fear, guilt and hype and led by the nose to a place where we would not recognize our own country any more? 

What if we all said no to that, and focused on righting any wrongs we see and making our own neighborhoods and communities the best they could be for everyone? 

Taylor Family Tree

I've had a number of requests to list the characters I write about in the Taylor Family Saga books since some of them show up in subsequent stories. I've also included the Taylor family tree and a timeline. If you haven't read the books, note that there are some spoilers ahead. Hope this helps connect the familial threads.

Timeline:

1845:   Julia & Matthew Taylor are married

1847:   Oldest son Matt is born

1849:   Jenny is born

1851:   Justin is born

1856:   Nantan Lupan kidnaps Julia & Justin

1857:   Jimmy is born; Faith is born soon after

1862:   Matthew finds his wife & child

1875:   Year of Grace Falling Like Rain; Taylors celebrate 30 year anniversary 

1877:   Book #2, Mercy’s Face takes place

1883:   Book #3, Torn Asunder takes place with flashbacks to 1856

1890, 1892, & 1900: Book #4 The Last Key takes place, primarily in Galveston, Texas (1900)

1902: Book#5, With Liberty & Justice takes place, primarily in Austin, Texas

Present day: Book #10, Anchor Point takes place in Dalton (fictional) & South Texas

Book 1 - Grace Falling Like Rain -  Texas, 1875

Main characters in this story.

Patriarch - Matthew Taylor 

Matriarch - Julia Stockton Taylor

Their children, in order of birth:

Matthew "Matt"

Jenny

Justin

Jimmy*

Faith* (adopted)

*their father was Nantan Lupan

Marriages

Matt married Catherine. Their children are Tres, William, and Michael.

Jenny married Marcus Kimball. Their children are Josh, Luke, and Maggie.

Other main characters include Allie Blake (her family & kinfolks have minor roles), John Stockton (Justin's uncle & Julia Taylor's brother), Nantan, Lupan (Jimmy & Faith's father), Nah-kay (mother of Nantan Lupan, Vestal (nanny, cook, housekeeper), Florine Locke & her parents make an appearance, George & France Samuel are introduced

Book 2 - Mercy's Face - Texas, 1877

The main characters in this story.

Patriarch - Matthew Taylor 

Matriarch - Julia Stockton Taylor

Matt's family has added two more boys: Robert & Timbo.
Jenny's family has another boy: Clifford.
Justin has married Allie Blake. Their only child at this time is Grace.
Jimmy marries Mercy Locke.
Faith marries Ethan Murray. Their child at this time is Caitlin (5) from Ethan's first marriage.

Another key family is introduced in this story: George & France Samuel, who adopted 11 children: Mac (4), Emma (6), Zane (6), Finn (9), R. James (9), K. James (10), Annie (10), Jenna (10), Lorelle (11), Joseph (12), and Katherine (13). Caitlin (5) stays with them for a while, too.

Other main characters include Florine Locke (spoiled banker's daughter), Eustace Ashton (the gambler Florine ran off with), Florine's parents Langston & Hazel Locke, Matilda & Rune (Locke's cook & her husband), Ethan Murray, and more.

Book 3 - Torn Asunder - Texas, 1883  (with flashbacks to 1856)

The main characters in this story.

Patriarch - Matthew Taylor 

Matriarch - Julia Stockton Taylor

Matt's family is the same.
Jenny's family is the same.
Justin and Allie's children at this time are Grace, Max, Bradley, & Mary J.
Jimmy (26) and Mercy's children are Jack (5), Mae, & Biriney. Mercy is 29 years old.
Faith and Ethan Murray's children at this time are Caitlin (almost 12), Ella Vae, Cele, and Sam.

George & France Samuel's family is smaller because the three oldest kids are out of the house, but Finn (14) plays the biggest role.  The flashbacks involve Nantan Lupan, and his mother Nah-kay is still around, living on the Taylor property.

Book 4 - The Last Key - Galveston, Texas, 1900

The main characters in this story.

Grace Taylor - Grace is the granddaughter of Matthew & Julia Taylor. Her parents are Justin & Allie Taylor, who live on a ranch outside of Dalton, Texas. Chapter 1 of this story takes place in 1890 - Grace is 14 yrs old; Flashback to 1892 - she is 16 yrs old; 1900 - she is 23

Finn Samuel - Finn is one of the children George & France Samuel adopted in Book 3; Chapter 1 of this story takes place in 1890, and he is 21 yrs old; 1892 - he is 23 yrs old; 1900 - he is 30 yrs old

Other key characters: Lucius Roderick, Marguerite St. John, Juju Synatzske, Kitty Synatzske (18), Pearl/Katherine (Kitty's birth mother), Daisy Thorne (actual person), Dr. Joe Gilbert (actual person), Rabbi Henry Cohen (actual person), Maggie Kimball (Grace's cousin) 

Book 5 - With Liberty & Justice - Austin, Texas, 1902

The main characters in this story.

Jack Taylor (24) - oldest son of Jimmy & Mercy Taylor of Grace, Texas; grandson of Matthew & Julia Taylor

Kitty Synatzske (20) - daughter of Juju (Jewel) Synatzske of Galveston

Justis Johnson

Liberty "Berty" Alexander, husband Ira and children, Marcus, Hadassah, Ethan & Biddie

Other characters - Jarvis Baldwin & Link Segal, Jimmy & Mercy Taylor, Louis the livery boy, Ned Green (actual person), Hokee & daughters Winnie & Dinah, Lucius Roderick, Juju Synatzske, Katherine Williams, Finn & Grace Samuel, Dr. Joe Gilbert (actual person)

Book 10 - Anchor Point- present time

The main characters in this story.

Taylor Samuel Abbott (45) - descendant of Justin & Allie Taylor, and Grace & Finn Samuel

Thomas Abbott (43 yrs. old) - husband of Taylor

Beau Hunter - country western singer

Snickers

I thought since the hair on top of his head looked like a poodle, he wouldn’t shed. I was wrong. He sheds and I still have to cut his hair every few months, which turns him into a Dr. Seuss character for a while.

Mom decided I needed a new dog about six months after I lost my seventeen-year-old poodle. We brought this 24 pound ball of fur home, and he latched onto Mom, staying by her side, sleeping with her, leading the way in front of her walking… then walking with her cane…. her walker… then in her power wheelchair.

His name is Snickers. Every person he meets, he’s their best friend and will lick their toes for good measure if they’re wearing flip-flops. That’s probably because he was adopted out twice and returned twice… he probably thinks the next person may be his new owner. But his third adoption took.

Snickers came from a hoarding situation in a town about 30 miles from here, but it made the news because the Humane Society rescued 144 dogs from one house. The owners had moved into a shed and let the dogs have the run of their home. The dogs lived and ate and slept in huge piles of feces. I saw a picture online that someone took when they opened the door. Dozens of eyes reflected in the photo, and yet that was only a fraction. I hope those people got professional help, because what they were doing to those poor dogs was certifiably crazy.

Snickers has nightmares. He’ll start howling the most pitiful-sounding howls. His eyes are open, but he’s sound asleep and it’s sometimes hard to wake him up to stop howling. I wonder if his nightmares are from his old life. I tell him regularly how glad we are that he lives with us now.

Snickers is deaf and almost blind, so it was no problem to take him to the fireworks show or the Christmas parade with the emergency vehicle sirens. His bark is extremely loud, but it doesn’t bother him a bit.

He has separation anxiety, and he won’t even stay in a room by himself. He would scratch at his metal crate until he either got out or his paws bled. We stopped putting him in it. He tore up the drapes and window shade in Mom and Dad’s room trying to get out of the house. He somehow scratched off the glass panels that held the built-in metal shades on the French doors in the kitchen.

But eventually, Mom had to stay home all the time, and he calmed down. He was on her bed the day ALS took her life, and he kept looking for her around the house. That broke my heart.

Then he latched onto me.

He even has to go with me to the bathroom and everywhere else around the house. When I’m doing chores from room to room, he wears himself out trying to keep up with me, getting settled, shutting his eyes, then getting up and moving when I leave the room. You can’t reason with him. I’ve tried. He just looks at me with those sweet, brown eyes and follows me anyway.

About five months after Mom passed away, we took in another little dog that had been rescued by some friends. Rolo and Snickers are great pals. He doesn’t read her signals right, though, and can’t hear her mad yips when he gets too rough playing with her. Rolo’s smart, and comes and tells me when she wants to go outside. She knows when I pick up my tea glass, that I’m going to get the soft ice from the garage freezer. The vacuum scares her. Snickers walks beside the vacuum as I’m vacuuming.

Twice she came into the house from the backyard and whined after a few minutes. She never whines. Both times Snickers had gotten out of the yard, and she was telling on him. Thank heavens. Our biggest fear is for him to be in the street and a car come along, assuming he’ll hear them and get out of the way. But he can’t hear them.

Snickers keeps his thinking pretty shallow, and he’s socially awkward. He’ll sometimes mimic what Rolo is doing, but he doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing or why. He’ll fight another dog (my grand-dog Trixie), but only if provoked. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. If an intruder came into the house, he’d probably lick their feet and follow them from room to room. Rolo would act like she would eat them alive and bring the house down barking.

We can’t take Snickers anywhere without him feeling obligated to mark everything in sight, so we have to keep a diaper on him if we travel anywhere. He’s such a pain in the derriere at times, but he tugs at my heartstrings regularly, so it balances out.

 

As I type these words, Snickers is sleeping at my feet at this moment, lightly touching my right shoe so he’ll know when I get up.

I’ve stopped writing now, but I think I’ll wait a few moments before I move.

Quotes Learned from Experience

The following observations are from things I've learned throughout the past four decades.